To worship God in truth is Him for being who He is, and to recognize ourselves for what we are." -Brother Laurence (The Practice of the Presence of God) If I am being completely honest, these past couple weeks were so hard.

God, I feel so scared. God, I feel so alone. God I feel so far from you, and from everyone. God, in the places of destruction are you actually there? God, it is too heavy. Help me. God, it hurts so much. God, remind of the day when I said that if you never worked in my life again, I would be content with what You have already done. God, is my heart broken? God, you'd better hold me, because I am going to loose it. God, my hands are shaking. God, I don't know who you want me to be. God, I don't know how to praise you right now. (a few of the things I've written in my journal these past couple weeks.)

I am so glad that the evidence of my faith is not how I happen to be feeling in a given moment. And I am also so grateful that God is big enough to take all my crazy feelings, because I cannot even begin to understand myself or my heart. Over and over again, looking inward is too overwhelming, so I need to look somewhere else.

"I will lift my eyes to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." -Psalm 121:1-2

Looking at the mountains seems to fix things. When I am in awe of Gods and His creation, I stop thinking about myself for just a moment. Though I get stressed out about "who I am supposed to be," God tells me exactly what I am to be, and what I am to do. That is a pretty good first step. Be still. Be transformed. Be not quick to anger. Be My witnesses. Be a person who worships in the beauty of holiness. Who am I to say that I do not feel like worshipping? No matter how overwhelmed, or sad, or indifferent I feel. In Luke 19, the Pharisees want to silence the joyful praise of the disciples. Jesus replies, "if these were to stay silent, the stones would immediately cry out."

If I was no longer to praise the Lord with my mouth and my life and my heart, all of creation still would. The silhouette of the San Cristobal mountains against the purple setting sky. If I was no longer to praise, the kids at Casa Hogar Alegre would still be dancing and singing goodbye yesterday, and praying for the people on the streets during their evening devotionals. A girl who had experienced the most unimaginable evil, would still say to me, "never forget the hand of God in your life," as we said goodbye.

If I no longer praise, an elderly indigenous lady on the street of San Cristobal would still say "God understands," while we prayed for her in a language that she couldn't understand. The pastor of Casa de Adoration would still pray for our World Race squad, that none of us would ever walk away from the Lord. A 4 year old year old girl would still sit in my lap and ask me to sing Jesus Te Ama with her, over and over for 40 minutes. If I no longer praise, the people at the indigenous home would still be praying for the resources to repair their buildings which had been damaged by a tornado in September.

On Tuesday, we did ministry inside of an artisan market. We were instructed to go talk to the kids of the vendors, and invite them to come dance and sing worship songs with us. I was skeptical, but even If I was to no longer praise, the Lord would have still brought over 30 kids to the center of the market to watch a skit about David and Goliath. They got to hear that David won the battle because he had God on his side. If I no longer praise, the indigenous pentecostal church in the Tenejapa Municipality would still be praising with their mariachi band, in a church where men and women can't sit on the same side of the room. If I no longer praise, the flags would still be hanging in the YWAM base, of all the countries where missionaries had spoken the name of the Lord.

If I no longer praise, the truth of, "The Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord," is still true. So why would I ever say to the Creator of the heaven and earth, that I don't feel like worshiping? Praise God that we got stand on the podium of the cross in the Plaza of Cristobal, and try to sing glorious day in Spanish. Praise God that we got to come up with dance moves on the spot to teach to the 5 kids at the indigenous home. Praise God that we got to stand in the trunk of a utility truck to drive up a mountain to get to church. And praise God that every day has new mercies, and that we are invited into a life of worship in all we do.

AMEN