our team on an adventure day at Sumidero Canyon

After what felt to me like a really long season of waiting, I had expected to go into this trip and simply be content in what I had waited for. The time between August and leaving for Chiapas in January, I knew would be personally difficult, because I am not very good at waiting. AT ALL. And unfortunately I feel as though I am always having to wait for something. After making the decision to graduate early, it wasn't until 9 months later that I even had some semblance of a plan of what this year would look like. But then I had to wait another 9 months until I would even leave. And now that I am here, I find myself waiting yet again for what next year will look like, somewhat overwhelmed by so many open doors. (what a privilege to be overwhelmed by opportunity) I suppose that if waiting is inevitable, I might as well learn how to wait well.

"It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at. I do not know why there is this difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise. But you must regard it as waiting, not as camping. You must keep on praying for light; and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole house. And above all you must be asking which door is the true one; not which pleases you best by its paint and panelling."  -C.S Lewis

This fall, I told myself that If I could only make it through 4 months of working full time, I could pick up where I left off, a meaningful life, with some purpose behind it. Wasted time, as I saw it. But Gods time is never wasted time. He met me in the mundane of the fall semester, the 4 AM mornings, the jobs that tested every last bit of my patience, and the lack of automatic community, not being in school. Waiting is never passive, and learning how to see purpose as God sees purpose is not easy. If God is the same in the mountains as in the valleys, on the mission trip, and mopping the floor at work, then it's not up to me whether I "feel" purpose or not. There is just as much purpose in showing up on a Wednesday morning for middle school FCA in Newberg, as in teaching English to the kids here at Casa Hogar Alegre. (the ministry we are staying at). If we have the expectation that we will always "feel" God in the same way, as the mountain top experiences, we are bound to be let down. Most of the time, faith is about obedience even when we don't feel like it. Wherever I am, in whatever season, there is equal purpose there because in the end it is never about what I think purpose is. Waiting well means waiting actively. Actively waiting in expectation that God will align our hearts with his, our desires with his, and our will with his, not the other way around.

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14

There is so much goodness that God wants us to experience, and If that is not a reason for me to keep waiting, I am not sure what is. And the result of that? A strong heart. The longer we keep waiting, the more we will be content in waiting, and the more our hearts will become strong because they become more like HIS.

I never have to carry my guitar :)

I would love to share some of the goodness that I have seen in these first couple weeks in Chiapas, if anything as I reminder to myself of why I wait, and how to wait in contentment and not restlessness.

Our team spend a day in the remote village of Tres Picos, and were welcomed into the homes of the coffee farming families there. The guys in our squad played in the village basketball tournament, and I had a wonderful conversation with a little girl about capybaras. Goodness. We get to teach English classes to all 100 of the kids here at Casa Hogar, and struggle through a language barrier because there is a desire for community and connection. My hair ends up looking awful because the littlest girls want to try to braid my hair. Goodness. Sitting on the pavement one evening with a an older girl trying to learn a Spanish worship song on my guitar and singing with her. Trying to understand babies speaking Spanish. Goodness. Sitting and singing around a campfire with people that I have only known two weeks, but have now become family. Sharing my story with mentors who give up their time to be present. Going to bed at 8 o'clock being exhausted from a full day, and getting up early to watch the sunrise on the bridge. Goodness. And of course I have no words for the boat trip through Sumidero canyon, and the sunset view of the valley driving home from a day of coffee tasting in San Cristobal. All of it goodness.

Though I find myself waiting again for direction for next year, I know that Gods plans are ALWAYS worth the wait. Thank you Lord for these first few weeks in Chiapas!